Self-Reflections on the Problematics for a Queer Tourist and Future Expat in Budapest
“And when I’m back in Chicago, I feel it
Another version of me, I was in it
Oh, I wave goodbye to the end of beginning”
(Djo 2022 “End of Beginning”)
In early 2024, the song “End of Beginning” by the artist Djo, more commonly known as actor Joe Keery, started to trend on the social media platform TikTok. Suddenly, the song was everywhere. It refers to the singer’s lived experience in the city of Chicago, at a time before he was famous. He expresses his nostalgic feelings about being back in the city in which he experienced a significant change in his life. A trend was constructed around the song, in which creators posted videos or slideshows with photographs taken of a specific place that they had visited that they have a deep emotional connection with. At this location, they feel like they can be their authentic Self; they can express themselves and grow as individuals; they feel like they have the chance to realise their full potential. The location, often a city, then becomes the stage in which dreams become true, in which one can become a better person just by being there in this magical space. While this message is somewhat removed from the original intent of the song, this interpretation was unanimously accepted by its audience and creators on TikTok.
In this essay, I would like to talk about my experiences with my own ‘Chicago’. A Chicago that feels like the place I am destined to be, in which I feel like I can grow to be the person I will like the most – my Best Self, so to speak – in which I can teach myself how to be free. A ‘Chicago’ that does not exist for a trans person, and even less so for a trans person in a hom*osexual relationship: my Chicago is Budapest, Hungary. Budapest has featured in various videos and slideshows shared on TikTok accompanied by Djo’s song, a trend to which I contributed by sharing personal photos that I took during a recent trip to Budapest. Unsurprisingly, all content of Budapest frequently features the architectural flagships of Budapest that are recognisable by a larger audience as part of Budapest’s regional attractions, framed in a way that underscores a romanticised emotional engagement with those sites. Through this, the city is presented as a space in which individual freedom of expression and movement is implied and encouraged. However, when one further investigates the socio-political discourses surrounding Budapest and the Hungarian nation, peeking behind the façade of romantic tourist engagement, an engagement with Budapest as one’s own ‘Chicago’ reveals a very contrasting view.
The Fantasy
I am not able to explain my fascination with all things Budapest. In my defence, the city is recognised as a city of fairytales, although it is not explicitly marketed as this. As László Puczkó, an economist specialising in Tourism and Logistics, attests: Budapest “embodies the past, the present and the future” of Hungary (Puczkó et al. 2008, 22). The capital embodies the things that are most emblematically Hungarian, signposting what is pertinent to the Hungarian national identity, and developing the building blocks that will shape Hungarian identity in the future. In contemporary times, Budapest stands out through its architectural diversity which contributed significantly to the central city area being taken aboard the UNESCO World Heritage List, with special attention given to the banks of the Danube river (which splits the city into Buda on one side, and Pest on the other), the Buda castle quarter and Andrássy Avenue. According to UNESCO, the area is “one of the world’s outstanding urban landscapes and illustrates the great periods in the history of the Hungarian capital” (UNESCO n.d.). Photographs of the city proliferate on social media platforms, in which romantic imaginations of Budapest flourish. Beautiful architectural sites, flagship attractions of Budapest, become the main points around which these romantic imaginations are anchored. The perhaps most pertinent is the Hungarian parliament building (Országház) located on the Pest side of the Danube river, which the late Queen singer Freddie Mercury jokingly expressed a desire to acquire. This building, the third-biggest parliament building in the world, is lauded as an architectural icon and is regarded as the country’s most famous building. Its mainly neo-Gothic style makes the complex appear to have just been transported out of a fairytale with its mesmerising grandeur: a shining white symmetrical facade with intricate details, stained glass windows, and crowned by a massive central dome. Other architectural sites such as the Fisherman’s Bastion, the St Matthias Church and the Chain Bridge (Szechenyi híd), amongst others, carry on this fairytale vibe. During nighttime hours, yet another visitor experience is offered when Budapest’s significant architectural landmarks are illuminated in bright orange and white lights (one exemption being the Freedom Bridge (Szabadság híd) which is illuminated in green light). The special architecture and its framing then contribute significantly to the atmosphere of the city. But beyond that, the city also gives rise to the imagination, specifically for a younger audience, with its raging nightlife. The infamous ruin bars in the city’s Jewish Quarter (Erzsébetváros) provide the stage for wild nighttime adventures in dilapidated buildings. Another intriguing aspect for visitors is provided by Budapest’s rich spa culture, and (which is generally very appreciated by tourists) the cheap prices for wine, beer and hearty meals.
Since the fall of the Soviet Union, as with many of the countries in Central and Eastern Europe, Hungary had run into some issues with its marketing towards tourists. Besides the already existing architectural sites, much of what tourists generally appreciate about Budapest has been initiated since the post-socialist transition years (1989 onwards). To overcome negative stereotypes of ‘Easternness’, the promotion of a quintessentially European image was highly desirable (Smith and Puczkó 2010, 288), and for Budapest, this meant moving forward to establish a distinct city image. Currently, Budapest aims to attract tourists by moving towards developing a more cosmopolitan, tolerant and dynamic image by including the creative industries and contemporary culture, embodied in part by, for example, the annual Sziget Festival.
Fantasy, Disrupted
Despite the international marketing of the city, national politics take on a dominant role in shaping the city for a tourist audience. Scholars of tourism have often observed that the politics intrinsic to a destination seep into the marketing discourse aimed at tourists in some form or another; tourism has an inextricable connection to politics. This is highly evident from the generally positive effect of tourism on a country’s economic capital, and the funds allocated by governments towards the goal of attracting visitors to their country. The ruling ideologies in a destination country also play a part in tourism, or even shape tourism explicitly, where governments “introduce initiatives to manipulate tourism for political purposes” and tourists are indoctrinated with certain ideologies that promote the political goals of the destination to which they have travelled (Zuo et al. 2016, 177). In Hungary, tourism is governed by the state. The Hungarian Tourism Agency (HTA) is operating under the Ministry of National Development (OECD 2018), and is therefore intimately tied to contemporary political shifts and presences.
In the case of Budapest, perhaps the most obvious tourist sight connected to current politics is the parliament building. A stage for Hungary’s political presence, the parliament houses the national assembly that is led by Viktor Orbán’s national-populist government. In their congregations, laws and legislations are introduced or changed, such as the 2021 anti-LGBT law. The parliament also provides the backbone for Orbán’s selective usage of Hungary’s past and heritage in the attempt to establish unity amongst Hungarian people, in a move to revitalise the country back to its ‘former glory’. In general, a dominant trend of altering historical and social memory through carefully constructed propaganda campaigns is completely inescapable in the case of Hungary, and with that, its capital Budapest. While there are many instances to be pointed out in this essay, I will present a select few here.
A recent visit to Budapest by me, in March 2024, reveals political sentiments pervading the cityscape of Budapest more openly. Recently, the National Consultation has been completed, a survey that encourages Hungarian citizens to share their opinions on Hungarian government initiatives and political sentiments expressed by the European Union. On the 25th of January 2024, Hungarian government published some of the results to the questions of the latest National Consultation, entitled “Szuverenitásunk Védelméről” (trans. “The Protection of Our Sovereignty”), on Facebook, while simultaneously launching a billboard campaign presenting the results in Budapest. While the survey was answered by 1.5 million people, less than a quarter of the country’s 8 million voters, the billboards touted that upwards of 98% of the respondents are in agreement with the government’s position on multiple pertinent issues, such as supporting the stop of weapon transfers to the Ukraine, and opposing: ‘migrant ghettos’ in Hungary, ‘gender propaganda’, EU membership to the Ukraine and genetically-modified Ukrainian grain, and the support of Palestine, as it is seen as supporting terrorism (Inotai 2023, Dlhopolec et al. 2024). While the National Consultation is presented as a reliable source of the dominant political thoughts for all Hungarian citizens – which can be easily dismissed on account of the number of respondents – the billboard campaign nevertheless displays prominent anti-EU sentiments in public. These are seemingly taken for granted, as most of the banners are not showing obvious signs of intervention, e.g. by graffiti or other signs of disagreement with its messages.
In another space, anti-Semitism has been a problem in Hungary as the country struggles to come to terms with its role in the Second World War. Two memorial sites, both of which are in close proximity of the parliament, contextualise historical events of the Hungarian past in the 20th century: the Shoes on the Danube River (by artist Can Togay, 2005) south of the parliament, and on the Freedom Square (Szabadság Tér), the “Memorial to the victims of the German occupation” (2014), constructed on Viktor Orbán’s orders. The shoes commemorate the victims of fascist Arrow Cross militiamen, as indicated by a plaque near the monument. In September 2014, multiple of the shoes were stolen. However, the Budapest police did not investigate the case, as no crime had been reported. Shortly before this, the 2014 memorial was erected on the Szabadság Tér, under the cover of night and against the wishes of a large majority of the public, just two days after Orbán’s re-election. His intention with the monument was to honour all victims of the German invasion. With that, his attempts to use history for his own political purposes become visible: the monument portrays Hungary as an innocent victim in the war, while completely dismissing its allyship with Nazi Germany. The monument has now become a permanent protest site and hosts a counter-display, against the “forgery of history” initiated by the Hungarian government. Despite the amount of anti-Semitic sentiments, Orbán has established friendly relations with the Israeli government and prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu since 2005. In the current genocide against Palestine, Hungary openly supports Israel and has become the only European country banning all Palestine-related demonstrations since the Hamas attacks in October 2023 (Zsurzsán 2024).
An Implicated Subject
In spite of my knowledge of everything I outlined in the previous paragraph, I cannot help but feel like I will be at home in Budapest. I felt this way before I even visited the city, just by looking at pictures, and the feeling has intensified through three past visits. Even though I need to convincingly cross-dress when I go outside, at least I am not getting cat-called on the street, like I do in any other country that I am visiting as a tourist or that I am living in as a resident. One of my dreams is to study in Budapest for a semester abroad and learn the language fluently. I have the unshakeable feeling that I will have the chance to feel more at home than I currently do in the Netherlands. Nonetheless, reality, obviously, is not that dreamy. For one, being able to study in Budapest comes at the cost of having to dismiss my own identity and having to pretend to be something that I am not. Dreaming of a life in Budapest, even just for my own life, actively dismisses the existing socio-political tensions in Hungary. Additionally, sharing the positive image I have of Budapest on social media implies, at least to an extent, an agreement with Orbán’s LGBTQ-phobic, xenophobic, anti-democratic policies and sentiments that are openly expressed in the city, for example through the billboard campaign of the National Consultation. One could argue that if an individual like myself feels at home in a location like Budapest there is no inherent harm in that. However, the only group of people who have the privilege of not having to care about politics – because it does not impact them – are the ones who have been enabled by hierarchical structures to be in a dominant position and are actively benefitting from it. To this end, I would like to briefly argue alongside the American literature and memory studies scholar Michael Rothberg, specifically engaging with his category of the “implicated subject” and “implication”. What he calls attention to is the state of being “‘folded into’ events that at first seem beyond our agency as individual subjects” (2019, 1), and how implicated subjects “occupy positions aligned with power and privilege …; they contribute to, inhabit, inherit, or benefit from regimes of domination but do not originate or control such regimes” (1). Implicated subjects do not take on either the role of the perpetrator or the victim, but their “actions and inactions help produce and reproduce the positions” (1) of these roles. While one can argue that I could be a potential victim of Hungary’s current politics, in proclaiming my love for Budapest, I see myself as contributing to the perpetuation of these politics. The position I am finding myself in is one produced and kept in place by its tensions: yes, I am in a vulnerable position by being in Budapest, and yet my own position is still one that is in power, as I currently do have the privilege to decide whether or not I want to live in Budapest. The only struggle that I have to fight in this space is having to decide whether I am content with temporarily having to disguise myself as a woman – because nothing Bad has happened to me yet. Other people do not have that privilege.
Conclusion
To revert to the beginning of this essay, and Djo’s song “End of Beginning”, in sharing my personal ‘Chicago’, I am making myself complicit in sharing an image of Budapest that implies the possibility of free expression and freedom – an image that is clearly romanticised and removed from reality. Other people who are sharing their personal ‘Chicago’ to a larger audience, for example via TikTok, might be perpetuating similar messages. Audiences of this content consume not just the visual material shared by other people, but also their ways of emotionally engaging with specific destinations, which are often mediated through the framing of a romantic fantasy that lies at the centre of the ‘Chicago’ experience. They might then also be inspired to share their own ‘Chicago’. Personal engagements might, as shown here, also serve to overshadow socio-political tensions in specific contexts, establishing a location to be ‘safe’ and desirable to visit for all audiences, when reality actually looks very different.
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